Mirror hoax

A Mumbai newspaper which claims to be the mirror of the megapolis recently splashed on its cover an exclusive wedding picture of Javed Miandad’s son and Dawood’s daughter.

It turns out that it is neither Javed’s son nor Dawood’s daughter.

It was just an e-mail which did the rounds. How it appeared on the cover is baffling. So much for authenticity.

A couple of days later, a sister concern of the mirror published from Hyderabad carries the same photograph. Well done.

A bureaucratic fiefdom of idiots

AT 5.19 P.M. IST (gmt+5.30) blogspot was back. Can't say if it was even before, but doesn't matter.


Earlier posting

Hello all. These words can’t be seen, in case you are in India.

The Union Government has put a gag order on certain blogs, which was waywardly executed by bureaucracy.

So please hang on till the gag order goes up in flames.

Your friendly neighbourhood blogger

Bombay, 20th July, 2006.

Indian Government terrorises blogosphere

Blogosphere got a jolt after it came to light that Internet Service providers across the nation had barred Blogspot. Bloggers were reporting difficulties in accessing and posting blogs.

And unconfirmed reports say ISPs have been asked to control access to Blogspot simply because SIMI, the outfit being investigated for links with the Serial blasts that shook Mumbai last Tuesday, had used blogs to communicate.

Sources say the government does not intend to block access to any site. The present unavailability has been linked to investigations on the serial blasts . Government agencies are reportedly whetting information available with ISPs.

What transpired at the Zidane-Chirac meet..

The Bombay conundrum: To suspect or not

Serial blasts took away many lives, disrupted rail lines, paralysed Bombay and buried one crucial point in the resultant chaos: Terror is here to stay. Or rather terror attacks.

It is impossible to check terror draped in turbans or bombs concealed in tiffin boxes.

And it has now become imperative to learn how to live with it, regardless of whether its perpetrators are of Hindu or Muslim origin.

That is where civic sense and an alert mind comes into play. Two days after what is now being called 7/11, passengers raised an alarm when they saw four people throwing bags into a creek at Bhayender. Four people were arrested.

Although it is not known if there were bombs inside the bags, the point is that citizens are beginning to watch what everyone else does, with an eye of suspicion. This helps.

For, even if it emerges that there were no bombs, there could be no fickle reason for people to throw bags into a creek. Something murky is bound to be there in that act.

Now what this means is that everyone will view everyone with suspicion in a train and that would add to the tense atmosphere in the overcrowded locals, as they call it in this part of the world.

Fair enough. Its better to be a bit rough than to watch helplessly when blood soaks the tracks.

Mumbai: 150 killed in serial blasts in Western Railway trains (With pictures)

Update 1.45. a.m, July 12: The death toll in serial blasts which rocked Mumbai on Tuesday evening has risen to 150, unconfirmed reports said.

40 bodies have been recovered from a bogie in Jogeswari.

50 died in Mira Road.
More than 300 are injured.

The blasts occurred within a span of eleven minutes. High intensive explosives have been used.

The train in which the blast occurred at Borivali was a Virar fast.

The Prime Minister made a statement at 8.49: We will fight terror, he said.

Union Home Minister Shivaraj Patil said government would take all possible measures. Bu that was about two hours after seven blasts had taken 100 precious lives.

He also condemned the incident.

Chief Minister Vilasrao Deshmukh said the first task is to attend to the injured.

Earlier report below.






Seven blasts rocked Mumbai on Tuesday evening, killing 50.

All the blasts were in the crowded Western line -- Mahim, Matunga, Khar, Bandra, Jogeswari, Borivali, Mira Road.

Trains on western line have been stopped.

Initial reports said first blast was at Khar. Unconfirmed reports now say the first blast was at Matunga Road on the Western line.

Around 40 lakh people commute in the western line.

All the blasts occurred in first class compartments between 6 and 6.30 p.m.



All phonelines have been jammed.

State government authorities have not commented.

The blasts occurred in this order: Bhayender, Mira Road, Borivali, Jogeswari, Bandra, Matunga and Khar.

The Union Cabinet is holding an emergency meeting.

Home Minister Shivraj Patil and Railway Minister Lalu Prasad Yadav are likely to visit Mumbai.

The Union Cabinet is holding an emergency meeting.

Home Minister Shivraj Patil and Railway Minister Lalu Prasad Yadav are likely to visit Mumbai.

And Zizou...

If you thought Zizou would be shoved out from the famed chapters of soccer, you could be as wrong as Napolean was umpteen times when he slogged to solve a mathematical puzzle.

That the son of Algerian immigrants lost his cool in a crucial encounter isn’t taking away the elegance of his effortless playmaking skills.

There definitely was provocation from Italy defender Marco Materazzi, whom the French coach described as the real man of the match. He got Zidane out and sealed the cup for Italy. Well done Materazzi.

And Zidane’s just another example sportsmen losing cool. After McGrath. Maradona. Beckham. And many others.

And that’s why the Golden Ball was truly his.

Racial slur? Tweaking his nipples? No clue.

And word has come from Materazzi that he "insulted" Zidane because he was super arrogant.

Now Zizou, what is it that Materazzi mumbled?

United Holidays of Monsoon

Would you like holidays in summer or monsoon?

The disastrous disaster management plan of the Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation, which kept many people indoors in Bombay during rains and others stranded as usual, has spurred talk of schools being shut in Monsoons rather than in the simmering heat of summer.

It doesn't make much of a difference if holidays are swapped.

If the world were to observe Christmas on April 1 from next year and All Fools Day on America's Independence Day there might be some noises but the majority wouldn't mind.
So those who are irked by the holiness of their purported favourite days can just switch their days and celebrate some other day.

Corporates should also consider the Monsoon vacation plan. Fortunately, if they refuse to take affirmative action on those lines, the BMC think tanks will force them to do that.

That is a win-win situation for all and sundry. So why is it not pouring heaven and earth in Mumbai now.

Do we have to invoke a 26/7 cloudburst to get holidays in monsoon?

The insecurities of super men

Tatas are getting insecure now. The group sees the predatory footprints of Mittal heading towards India.

Why does everyone see a predator in Mittal. May be it is an off-shoot of the ruthless execution of operation Arcelor.

When it comes to their own turf, Indian corporates shelve all talks of liberalization and go on a huddle.

They then demand a level-playing field, a euphemism for protectionism.

That is why Wal-Mart won’t get to spread its giant retail canopy to India till Reliance opens shop in every nook and corner.

And then they talk of disinvestment, another euphemism for giving up profit making government firms at throwaway prices to conglomerates.

Wonder what would have been the government’s issue if it had complete control of Maruti?

Would it have affected the day-to-day running of the nation?

So who in this corporate hell is shying way at this overdose of liberalisation: No need to break your brains, it is your friendly neighbourhood corporate only.

Cant resist saying: This is a nation of hypocrisies, with corporate honchos at its helm.

The final trajectory

So Italy and Germany clash with history in Italy’s side and form and groundswell of support tilting to the hosts.

History really has little impact on a 90-minute game. So Germany is laughing its way to the final, but the Cup winner could still be a dark horse. It is tantalising to bet on Portugual.

Punters have gone for a toss but those who bet for betting’s sake can still make a killing.
So do we have a Germany vs Portugal final or a France vs Italy final?

One thing is sure, two of the four semi-finalists are there at the cost of better teams. So the best team cannot win, and we are not talking about Brazil. They got what they deserved.

The flavour is out

Adios Argentina

Now, the nasty round of predictions come as the flavour has gone out of the World Cup.

Only one thing is sure, Brazil cannot win this cup.

Nostradamus, can you hear this?

A rendezvous with Nostradamus, far from Samba crowd

This poor soul is in the esteemed company of Nostradamus.
Patriotic Spanish journalists bent over backwards to interpret the 16th century author of prophecies.

And they came to the conclusion that Spain is going to win the cup of joy. Whether Nostradamus erred or not, Spain was chucked out of the world cup by an unfancied, struggling French side, which didn’t deserve to be in quarters.

Lesson No 1: Journalists should shun patriotism.

Now, the belly dancers start whipping up euphoria even after freak counter attack goals. And the legion of fans, made up of the a whole lot of ignorant football lovers as well as die hard Zamba loyalists, behave as if it is the party time after a World Cup win.

(Want to know your Brazilian name? Click here)
Jesus Christ! Could some one please tell them that they were playing a poor African nation which has qualified for the first time for the soccer extravaganza. And my foot, if they knew how to finish, the Samba carnival would have been packed off.

Ifs and buts don’t count, only win matters. Why does everyone want Brazil to play good football, asks the Brazilian coach.

If Brazil were just to play for win, which they seem to be heading to, they wouldn’t have much fan following outside Rio De Janeiro.

Coming back to prophecies, mind games don’t work in football it seems. So let’s put logic over artistry, sense over sensation and brain over heart.

If that’s the case, Germany beats Argentina, and no matter who is in semis, advance to win the cup by beating the over-hyped Brazil, if at all they are there.

The samba nonsense will end at least then.

Messi sure is wonder kid, but world cup is for grown ups. Tavez has shown his class.

Thanks Juan Roman Riquelme, it was a privilege watching the midfield artistry – That was sheer class. And Kaisar who wed amid the cup frenzy. And Eusabio.

Sincere apologies to Diego Maradona, simply the best ever. The Best.

World Cup trajectory

Mano di Dios

Quarter 1: Arg vs Ger
Quarter 2: Eng vs Hol
Quarter 3: Italy vs France
Quarter : Brazil vs Spain
Semi: Ger/Arg vs Italy/France
Semi: Eng/Hol vs Brazil/Spain

Finals: Arg vs Brazil/Eng/Hol

And the result is not a guessing game.

The calculations were based on emotional quotient and do not necessarily subscribe to group standings or match fixture. No apologies.

Image: http://www.lionelmessi.org/

Lingering radio waves from the Caribbean

DNA

The God of all things soccer

So what is the big deal, if Germany swamped Costa Rica 4-2. The score line tells a different story, but the real story is that Germans lost the defence twice against minnows. To hell with it, because world cup for some people begins only today, June 10.

The world cup in its present form began for that mould of enthusiasts with the divine Diego Maradona. That was the first world cup in their scheme of things, when Mexico was dazzled by the artistry of the legendary left foot.

So Maradona departed from Mexico with the crown after stamping the greatest goal in football history and invoking the Almighty to give him a helping hand. Football has never been the same after that.

1990 was a disaster of a world cup. It can only be forgotten for its foul play. Argentina lost but the legend remains intact.

20 years after Mexico, World Cup comes back to its blue striped Argentine fans. We hear names which we have never seen – wonder kid Messi, Saviola, Riquelme. And we wait for the ever reliable Crespo. And Juan Pablo Sorin.

Whoever said Samba is football isn’t welcome at this part of the universe. Welcome to the land of all things soccer.

On cloud no 26/7

Rains, which were supposed to lash Maharashtra and throw Mumbai out of gear, did a vanishing act after an initial ahead-of-schedule appearance.

So raincoats are still unwet and rail lines are teeming with life. The average Mumbaikar wants a repeat of 26/7, albiet with a lesser degree of punishment. The simple reason is that they get a paid holiday as the city shuts down.

Only monsoon can do that, now that Shiv Sena is hardly able to manage its own inherent contradictions. Sainiks can barely throw a fit of rage at the drop of a hat.

So the BMC, whose budget is bigger than many Indian states, is ready to fight any deluge. And the communication towers are perfecting the art of making things work in un-manageable conditions -- as if 26/7 was a communication disorder alone.

Mumbai is a city going down the drains, choked with its plastic waste as well as the denizens it draws to its vast man pool.

Redemption is not in sight. Neither is Shanghai, but rains are.

The Da Vinci Code according to Damocles

The Code of Da Vinci was more like a sword of Damocles hanging over the Navi Mumbai theatre in which this poor soul was forced, dragged and cajoled to watch it.

It failed to trigger a shiver. Instead, the Tom Hanks starrer evoked a sense of disbelief at the way fiction was put through the filter of celluloid.

The Code is a disaster of a movie, and the suspense or apparent lack of it has made viewers squirm.

Now that wasn't the intention of the producers or for that matter Dan Brown or Tom Hanks, himself a credible filmmaker.

But the good thing about the code is that it is doing roaring business worldwide, despite the critics slamming it after its much awaited premiere at Cannes.

Now, when the book is a best seller and the adaptation is keenly awaited, expectations about the movie skyrocket.

That could be one reason for the disappointment at some quarters. And for those who haven't read the Da Vinci Code, the movie fails to give any reason to do so. Perhaps it should have
been vice versa. Tough luck.

1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13. Please, no prizes for guessing that this is a Fibonacci sequence. To hell with it.

Click here for hatemails

The great Indian embedded reality show

Protests and the politics of event management in the confines of an idiot box named India



There is a method in madness. There surely is a method in protests, for instance the anti reservation stir.

Protests as a weapon of democracy has a history of defiance. It is the most potent weapon in the armoury of democracy, the life blood of any thriving movement.

The Mahatma was one of the most innovative leaders vis-a-vis protests. He could weave a protest from the most unusual things, for example the humble salt. The salt satyagraha was a huge trigger for masses. It gave the scent of democracy an urge of passion -- it showed how the mighty can be humbled by simple off-beat things.

The Mahatma emerged as what some people now call out of the box thinker; in fact he was simply out of the world for the conventional British savage acts that they couldn't think of any way to tackle the half-naked Fakir.

Mahatma has now been spared from the burden of history as protests gain a new dimension, the dimension of spotlight falling on it -- the spotlight of television crews.

So we now have stage-managed protests to suit the camera angles of the idiot box as we clap in joy when the television beams images of anti-quota protestors being dragged in front of water cannons.

We laugh at the spectacle because the whole thing has drama, but it all looks like a stage-managed television show sponsored by TV channels sprouting in every nook and corner. Television shows have become a cottage industry now.

Recently a stir in Bombay was directed by an event-manager, we are told.

That is where the protestors loose their vital link which can strike a chord with the public, which has to step in to shape the policies which determine their destiny, or at least to trigger the message of the masses to the corridors of power.

The protests staged by anti-quota agitators seem to be managed, evidently by television producers. So while it may appeal to some idiots glued to the TV, it is floating away from the tidal waves of grass root realities.

Dud's guide to Sensex -- a book of joy & laughter

When it comes to losing, people -- with an eye etched on the Bombay Stock Exchange sensitive index, or Sensex as it is fondly referred to -- are not sporting enough it seems.

Investor wealth worth Rs 5,90,000 crore was wiped out in eight trading sessions, according to the information deluge associated with the mystery phenomenon called Sensex.

Why is it a mystery when the whole world sniffs Sensex in every whiff of air that Bombay's polluted horizons offer to its teeming crowds?

Why is it that newspapers decide to let their character go for a toss to accommodate bleeding graphs which show the volatile trajectory of the Sensex the previous day, when, we are told, the bears tamed the bulls at Dalal street.

It is a mystery, because, though the sexy Sensex, even with its slight bumpy ride can wipe out or inject lakhs of crores, that fortune, or wiped out fortune, is concentrated in a select few.

To be somewhat clear what this select few means, it is one per cent of the total population of the world's second most populous country that is ours.

To make matters easy, or rather calculations less painful, let us freeze our population clock at exactly one billion and then take stock of the number of people who dabble in stocks, keep quiet when they rake in a fortune and wipe out planet earth with tears when the market falls. The figure is one crore, in a population of 100 crore.

So ninety-nine per cent of the people doesn't have any direct bearing on whether the Sensex zooms or goes on a tailspin or when there is a meltdown or bear-run or whatever crap.

So when the one per cent is fed with a staple diet of charts and graphs to supposedly guide their path to the fortunes which are just a click away, the rest would rather try and watch a game of cricket.

So when there is pandemonium in Parliament after a jittery ride of Sensex triggered by the whims and fancies of institutional investors or foreign funds or LIC or any goddamn entity, the rest of the 99 crore remains immune.

To go by the street logic, on which the great punters who scent the opportunity to make a killing in every nook and corner also relies, for the Indian retail investor, the stock market is more of a gamble. Or shall we say it is pure gamble, despite a toothless regulator, over cautious government and the circuit filters that lord over the trading sessions.

Gambling is not about winning every time. It is also about losing. May be a 50-50 chance is what conventional logic gives to the forbidden art of gambling.

But then conventional logic would to some extent seek a safe distance from gambling dens also.

So you can't go by convention in gambling. And that is exactly why the pain of losses is more vociferous than the joys with which a fortune is made in a few minutes time.

Figures given above may be far from reality, calculations awry and logic weird. Doesn't matter since figures and facts don't count much for an overwhelming majority of people to whom this aims to cater to, though a majority of people who sift through this debris of market talk could be from the elite one crore club.

Illustration Rahul, DNA

A Papal blunder

The Pope has courted controversy with a seemingly disturbing comment, the merit of which has now been subjected to a political debate in the nation which houses countless communities and its faceless followers.

For starters Pope Benedict XV1 has expressed Vatican’s concern over the ban on conversions in some States in India. While the Pope’s concern stems from the fact that the right to convert a person of particular faith into another is a fundamental one, opponents of Pope on the issue see his remarks as an interference in India’s internal affairs.

While Pope as the head of the Church is entitled to have his views on an issue which has the Christian missionaries at its core, his credentials as the head of the State of Vatican makes the comment an interference in the country’s affairs. Diplomatic decency dictates that no head of state can make a comment which may have the potential to be seen as a peep into another country’s internal affairs. The Pope fumbled by doing exactly this..

The issue is that the Pope’s remarks came while India’s ambassador to the Vatican, Amitava Triparthi presented his credentials, which makes it an official statement.

If the Pope had such concerns, it should have been driven home through diplomatic channels in a subtle manner.

Now, what has happened is that the Pope has given anti-conversion elements in the country a stick to beat the Christian community as a whole. The age-old tool which was used against Muslims – The parochial notion that Muslims were less patriotic and tends to back their religious mentors across the borders rather than putting their pride in the country – will now be raked up against the Christian populace.

The danger with this argument is that it has the quality to sway liberal voices. For some patriotism is an elixir which blindfolds them. They tend to fall prey to the traps of propaganda if a right mix of patriotism is packaged in any debate of national significance.

The Pope has unknowingly given a trigger to the anti-conversion elements.